Grateful. 🙏
Grateful that I get my baby with me this Christmas.
Grateful that I get to see the joy in his face while opening presents.
Grateful I get to hear him say “I did it!!” after ripping off each piece of wrapping paper.
Grateful that while he was with his dad for 10 days before Christmas that I had incredible emotional and physical support to keep me going, especially since it was the first time we’ve done this.
These tiny squares on Instagram… can be incredibly deceiving. While you’re scrolling through your Instagram feeds, you’re likely to find all the joyful pictures everyone will be posting with their family/friends during the holidays.
What you won’t see is the heartbreak many of us are facing. The incredible grief. The overwhelming weight of mental health issues that creep in during this time of year. If you’re in any of these categories and more… I feel for you. I really, really do. And I’m so proud of you for getting up and showing up anyway.
First picture you see is from today. Second picture is from the time Leo was away. Every cell in my body that created Leo was screaming for him and couldn’t understand why it had to be this way. The weight and pain and grief of this chapter ending, and a new chapter I never wanted to begin, start, was crushing. I couldn’t get myself to take down his birthday decorations or move his pajamas off the living room floor. Holidays this year are hard.
But I’m focusing on what I’m grateful for. And I’m grateful for the fact that he’s here with me, right now, and that I get to hear his giggles, cries, singing, playing, tantrums, and his “cuddle mama?!”’s.
This year, it is truly a very merry Christmas, because all I could have wanted is to have my baby with me. Thank you, Santa.
And to those without their babies this year, or without their loved ones, or who are really, really struggling, I see you. I feel for you. I’m here for you. And I’m so sorry. But I believe in you. And I KNOW you can get through this. One step at a time. One moment at a time. ♥️
Merry Christmas from Leo & Delaina!
